Chapter 1

The December night brought more than snow.

A thumping at the kitchen door drew Dad, Mom, and me from different rooms in our house, and we met at its threshold. There stood David, stamping clusters of wet snow from his boots.

"Sweetheart!" Mom exclaimed. "Quick, get out of the cold."

My brother's arrival on that snowy evening wasn't a surprise. Although he was enrolled at a state college near Syracuse, many weekends found him at home, spending much of his time with Dad. My parents said he was suffering from homesickness.

"Gotta get my stuff," David said with a smile.

He dragged in two suitcases, an ancient steamer trunk, several cardboard boxes sealed with masking tape, and a plastic garbage bag that spilled clothes when David dropped it to the floor. Mom and Dad just stared at it all.

"How come you brought all your stuff home?" I finally asked.

"Is something wrong? Did something happen at college..." Dad stammered.

"I enlisted," he said.

"You..." Dad replied.

"What do you mean, you Œenlisted'?" Mom asked, her voice hard and sharp.

"I wasn't getting anything out of college. Joined the Army. Enlisted. I thought..."

"The Army! There is a war on. A war!" Mom shouted. "Tell them you've made a mistake. Tell them you're not enlisting! You're not going to Viet Nam!"

Mom turned to Dad and said. "Go with him. Explain it was a mistake. Tell them he is not enlisting!"

"Calm down! Wait a second! Let me...you...," Dad stuttered, then took a deep breath. "Tell me what you did. Exactly. You enlisted? In the regular Army, not ROTC. The regular Army?"

David threw up his hands and shouted, "Yes! The regular Army! Geez, I thought you'd understand. You said you're proud of the guys in Nam..."

"You discussed this?" Mom cried and stepped in front of Dad. "And you didn't tell me! You approved..."

"I didn't approve. We talked...I thought..." Dad said.

"You let him enlist? During a war?" Mom yelled.

"I told him to finish school!' Dad said, then turning his attention to David. "What will you learn in the army? To sleep in a hole, a ditch? To..."

"I never would have given my permission!" Mom interrupted.

"I didn't..." Dad said.

"I didn't get Dad's permission. I didn't get anybody's permission. I did it on my own. It was my decision!" David barked.

"You don't know!" Mom cried.

"It'll be OK," Dad said, speaking more to himself than us. "He's a smart kid. They'll probably give him some kind of technical job, or an office job. A no-fighting job. A noncombatant. It'll be OK. Maybe it'll be good for him. Help him mature. Let's try to make the best..."

"Good for him?" Mom exclaimed. "Oh, God! Like it was good for Dee?"

Dee was Mom's brother, who had died in the Second World War. Mom had spoken of him to us many times. Dad dropped his hands and his shoulder's slumped. Mom crossed her arms and glared at him.

"Gee, thanks for killing me off, Mom!" David shouted. He grabbed the steamer trunk and stomped out of the kitchen to his room.

"David!" Mom called.

I picked up a suitcase and followed him upstairs. I could hear Mom and Dad arguing in the kitchen. David was sitting on his bed when I got there. His face was red with anger .

"Dad wasn't much older than me when he was in the Army!" David yelled, startling me. "It's OK for him, but not me?"

I didn't know what to say.

"I can go to college anytime. When I'm a middle aged guy, I don't want to look back and kick myself in the ass for missing a war." he said.

"It looks scary," I offered. "On TV."

"Nobody's asking you to join." he snapped.

"I just..."

"What do you know? Why don't you go downstairs with them."

"I..."

"Get out of my room!"

"Wh..."

"GET OUT OF MY ROOM! Freaking twerp!"

"Screw you!" I screamed.

Dad marched in the room, grabbed me by the back of the neck, and steered me out into the hall.

"Get to your room, Steven!" he said and closed David's door behind him. Mom stood at the foot of the stairs, her eyes fastened on the shut door. Dad argued with David for the next half hour.

Two weeks later David departed for Army Basic Training.